Tuesday, December 28, 2010


It was a normal day like any other day, for you all but not for me. My eyes opened with the ringing alarm in my cell. I opened my one fourth eyes and switched it off and went to sleep again. Then finally my one fourth eyes opened half at 10 am. I was in bed and still half sleepy when I realized that my left head at the back of my ear was paining like hell.
I never had such pain before. It was paining since few days but that was minimal. Still sleeping, my mind starts working and the first thought that came there was ‘Have I developed Brain Tumour?’ I’ve seen in the movies, they show that whoever has a brain tumour gets a pathetic pain in head. As this thought passed through my nerves, my body stretched and my eyes were wide open. I woke up, rather got up like I have just been given a shock, and opened my laptop. I didn’t bother to wash my face. Who will care to wash when this kind of thought will come in your mind?
My mind was still working. I Google my query and came across a link which talked about the symptoms. I clicked it thinking that what to do it I really have a tumour and how big will it be? Still in my dream world, I read the symptoms.
“These are the most common symptoms of brain tumours:
1. Headaches (usually worse in the morning) : I had one, in fact having one right now. CONFIRMED.
2. Nausea or vomiting: Not yet happened but might happen in further stages. DOUBTFUL.
3. Changes in speech, vision, or hearing: Yeah, somehow. I hear something else. And sometimes face difficult to read messages when I’m sleeping. I read ‘How’ into ‘Where’. CONFIRMED.
4. Problems balancing or walking: Yeah. It happens. I face difficulty to walk when I’m wearing a high heel Woodland trekking shoe and a heavy bag with laptop, camera and books. Anyone can walk properly with those heavy bag and high heel. CONFIRMED.
5. Changes in mood, personality, or ability to concentrate: Surely. I feel disturbed when I’m not done with my article or facing problem in finding an appropriate topic. No one would shout or get disturb with that little obstacle when you’ve loads of thing to do and your boss is calling every second and asking for article. CONFRIEMED.
6. Problems with memory: Few days back I forgot the name of my sister’s friend whose contact is been saved in my cell and we meet every week. Sometimes, I even forget the day. It doesn’t matter if sometimes it happens. What matter is this all are happening with me right now. CONFIRMED.
7. Muscle jerking or twitching (seizures or convulsions): It’s happening since few days. I know I’m wearing that Woodland shoe very often and go for assignment walking long miles. No one would find that difficulty when you are running with that shoe every day. CONFIRMED.
8. Numbness or tingling in the arms or legs: It happened when I sit one position for long hour without noticing that I’m little healthy, actually fatty, and when you sit in the same position folding legs, the blood finds difficult to circulate in your body and you get that feeling. At this moment, it was correct in my context. CONFIRMED.

OMG (Oh! My God), 1,2,3,4…..8. Seven out of eight symptoms fits me. After I analysed my situation, I switched off my laptop. I again fell in bed. I was imagining about what doctor would say when I’ll visit him.
“Ryan, I’ve news for you, a BAD news to give you. I’m afraid you have developed Brain Tumour. It has grown a little and that’s why you are facing those headaches. We can operate you but in that we have a risk. Either you’ll lose all your memory or would go to coma as it’s located near to the main part of your brain which controls all memory”.
“If I chose not to get operated then who much time does I’m left with?”
“I’m afraid it’s only 6 months.”
I’ll come out and would call my friend, Vishal.
“Those doctors are good for nothing. We’ve developed such nice equipment but they are not able to do anything with those”.
“What happened, Ryan? Why are you so angry? And what made you visit a Doc.?”
“I was having headache so I visited him. After doing all the test he’s saying that I’ve developed Brain Tumour and if I get operated either I’ll lose memory or would go into coma. They are good for nothing. I’ve only 6 months in my hand to live”. With tears in my eyes and angriness in voice, I’ll talk to him.
“But how could it happen? You won’t die soon. Let’s meet up and see some other doc.”
“Who else can be good? I’m coming out from Aditya Birla Hospital. They are equipped with latest technology. Any ways, I’m going for movie, to freshen up and then would sit down to make a list of what I’ve to do in these 6 months”.
“But which movie you are going?”
“I’m going for AanjanaAanjani. Hope to get some idea on what all I’ve to do before I die”.
Then, suddenly, I thought of messaging Vishal about my open eye dream and the problem. As I explained him the whole thing, instead of sympathising he was laughing. How rude? It’s so bad of him. He said that whatever I thought was making no sense. It was all non-sense. He was certainly not my good friend. I shouted at him but then he cooled me up and explained that just because I take lots of tension I might be suffering from the headache. Or maybe it was because I carry that heavy bag which might have resulted in some stretch of my nerve which was connecting till there. Then my attention went to my shoulder. My left shoulder was paining as there was some stretch in a nerve or couple, as it seems, which made my shoulder pain. After that, I all my symptoms CRASHED.
My open eye dream might have fallen but that made me a little philosophical, a little only. It gave me a thought what if one morning I’ll develop something like this which is not curable. Why get something, what I die in an accident while crossing the road? Life is really uncertain and you don’t know what will happen the next very second. But we live our every moment criticizing, curing, and doing what not to others. This we call life? The moment I thought that I’ll be having only 6 months to live, my mind start working in all those things which I would like to do. That very moment, I didn’t thought of doing something wrong to those who did wrong with me. Neither had I thought of harming anyone in any sense. My concentration was only on the ‘Things to do before I die’. And that list didn’t include anything like that. So, why we don’t do all those ‘goody goody’ things when we are alive? Why we wait for the last time to come so that we can pen down the list of ‘things to do’? Can’t we live with all those positive vibes? I don’t know about you all, but I still have that 6 month to live and would try to achieve all that what I’ve noted down in that list. Who knows what will happen next.